Yep

Just heard from my daughter that a friend of hers was kicked down the stairs by her 'loving son' that she'd given him £100 just hours ago.

He, his older brother, and friends all got together to have a party in her house and had raves when and ever they wanted to.

They turned her into a slave by telling her to go out to buy drink for them, clean up for them, and even prostitute for them to all of their mates.

This scenario is ongoing and I'm horrified and trying to give advice, but more horrified that this is a family scenario.

Is this more commonplace than we think between dysfunctional families?

And to what extent is it ever reported?

And if not reported......and given this is a family situation, what about the representation of this type of abuse that is not family related with the same type of scenarios?

wtf. how old are those kids? they need kicked out or kicked in.
someone i know, her daughter and her boyfriend kinda took over, ended up stealing pills, running the place. someone took out his tail light and the cops pulled him over with a pocket full.

anyway.
its probably more common than we think, but people are too proud to admit kids take over and act like little shits.

batou wrote:
Nice work, bat! I mean, thank you concerned anonymous citizen!!

In regards to the OP. I think it's when parents refuse to lay the smack down (physical discipline within reason) that their kids start to go bad. Not to say that spanking will save every child from taking the low road and turning out to be a troublemaker, but I think it's a critical aspect of parenting that is cast aside because too many spineless, cowardly "parents" think "Oh no, we won't ever spank our children, that's barbaric abuse, we talk to them and use the time-out method...."

Hey, more power to ya, I'd like to see spanking get phased out completely but it's just not going to happen, and in a lot of cases I'm glad! Sometimes, a kid just needs a hand or a belt across the ass, period! I got more spankings than I can remember from my mother with a big 2 inch wide leather belt and I'm not a serial killer or woman-hater or rapist or any other kind of social deviant. When kids see an opening they are gonna take it! It's called human nature. If the parents don't set the limits believe you me, the state (courts & jails/prisons) WILL!!! Just my two copper coins.

o_rourke wrote:
I remember hearing stories of mothers with 'Mrs Robinson syndrome'. They'd sleep with their kid's friends, dress young, buy them alcohol and drugs, etc. This sounds a bit different though... Someone is going to get seriously hurt by the sound of it. If they're still considered minors, then I would imagine that she would be held legally responsible for it, and possibly jailed. That's assuming she isn't the one seriously injured.

She sounds like she may need some help. The way you're describing it is not too far off from Stockholm syndrome. Maybe an intervention of sorts might be a good idea? If that doesn't pan out, then legal action might be the best course of action. I don't like to suggest that usually, but this seems like an extreme case.

I agree Indie. It's always best if things can be worked out without the law getting involved but this does sound rather extreme and will probably need something on that order to remedy the situation. To o_rourke, I'm sorry to hear that your friend is being put through this. Sounds to be about as bad as it could get!

phemohilia wrote:
I agree man. We hear stories about families getting broken up over stupid and insane things. I'd hate for that to happen to anyone, but there are circumstances where it might be required as a last resort. I hope that this family can get things resolved without having to go that route. Maybe a threat of that might shake them up some though, and open doors to reestablishing functional family dynamic? Some people need that wake-up call. An intervention of sorts would probably be a good way to approach it for starters, and have the potentialities laid out. Hopefully it wouldn't need to go further than that.

This...thing, is pimping his own mother?!
I can't comment any further, I'll go down a road and into a mindplace I don't like being.

irrepressible wrote:
A road that looks a little like this:

Definitely sounds like he, (and his mates), could use a percussive persuasion therapy session or twelve.

phemohilia wrote:
Yeah. Stories like that, people being taken advantage of, and worse. Their freedom taken away...makes me come over a bit Tony Soprano.

irrepressible wrote:
Good thing we got a thread for that!

And I hear ya, I lose all human compassion for "people" that do things like what is mentioned in the OP.

Growing up my parents were firmly in control of me - not in an excessive way nor through physical punishment - but there was that level of respect that kept me in line. I remember my horror when a friend confessed to me that they regularly hit their mother if they didnt get their own way. This was a complete anathema to me - I wasn't that keen on hitting anyone but your mum seemed to be a line that I could not imagine people crossing. Sadly my friend wasn't alone in using physical violence against her parents - it appeared to be quite common amongst the group of friends I had - though unlike my friends mum others parents tended to hit back.

I do think that there is a lack of basic respect shown to parents - by their children - when the parents have failed for one reason or another to lay down firm boundaries - this happens across the social spectrum and more and more children end up being out of control as a result.

I am sure that a lot of the time fuzzy boundaries and the spoiling of children is a result of guilt over something or other usually out of the parents control.

thoreau wrote:
I agree 100% with this. Take my mother...no seriously, just take her.

She seems to function primarily on 'guilt'. I never really clocked this til much later in life, when I realised I was actually subconsciously aware of it all along.

What I mean is, I'd use it to my full advantage whilst growing up, until I realised that this was what I was actually doing.

Her mother before her seemed to do it a lot with their youngest too (which wasn't my mother).

Lately, I notice my youngest brother getting away with a hell of a lot of stuff I don't really think he ought to, particularly given his age.

But she sets a lot of it up for herself, tbh. I've told her he only thinks he can do some of the things he does, because 'you' allow it. But, she won't have it.

I've removed myself from her guilt trips as much as I possibly can as I have come to regretfully realise that I won't ever be able to change her. It's really something she needs to work out for herself and I am doubtful that will ever happen.

When my dad died recently, it only served to highlight the whole thing to me because he was a pure bastard throughout. Almost as if it was 'his' dad, and nobody elses that had passed on.

My family dynamics are complicated though, so I won't bore you. Needless to say, he played on it very much, and she allowed it, wrongly so, imo.

Parents...what can you do?

Have moved to members chat for now as am trying to tidy general - let me know if you want it elsewhere.

Cheers,
Ab

That's sounds terrible O_Rourke

Get someone else involved (the police, the social services?)

No this is not normal behaviour within a family (or a dysfunctional family) and if her son and his friends are acting that way someone needs to grab him by the scruff of his neck and get him to stop.

It's not weak to report them if your friend is getting so humiliated by her children

I'm sorry for the loss of your father, Ab!! I know when my dad moved on from here it really tore me in half for a good, long time.

thoreau wrote:
Very true and more and more these days, a dying trade.

My kids would never dream of raising their hands to me. It just wouldn't happen. There are lines and they abide by them. Not saying they're angels as that's far from the truth... but they don't cross the boundries set and I believe it's because I stuck to my guns on some things despite the grief these decisions have caused sometimes over the years.

Would've been real easy to say 'fuck it' and let them get on with it. But I didn't.

As I've said somewhere before, I also swear alot (just pointing it out incase someone missed it) but they wouldn't dream of doing that in front of me either. My eldest is 20 and still doesn't. I don't use violence but I DO have rules, just as I was brought up with rules. It's not a case of do as I do around here, it's do as I say. On the most part, this has been successful.

I don't know what I'd do in your situation o'rourke... all I do know is that I wouldn't be able to do nothing. Good luck with whatever you decide girl. Not an easy one by a long shot.

I just want to thank everyone that's responded. And I agree wholeheartedly that this woman needs help. I've said as much to my daughter. I've only met this lady once or twice and she seems quite needy, but comes across as a helpful and friendly person. From further details given by my daughter, she's had alcohol and suicidal problems in the past and was actually institutionalised at one point. Her son started hitting her when she came off her meds and started drinking and I think the whole thing got steadily more abusive. Anyway, I've told my daughter that the police should be involved if this lady comes to the house again in an abused state. This seems too big a problem for personal intervention.....and on that score I agree with others here. It's just all so very sad that people live their lives the way they do in fear of their own family members.

I hope this poor woman gets the help she needs o_rourke. And if there is any justice in the Universe, her son and his scumbag mates will get exactly what they need as well...with interest.