Okay...I'm going to try and just spit the rest of this out!
So about 2 years later, something happened to me. Now I've had sychronicities here and there but I was kinda bombarded by some really weird coincidence. I'd like to post about this separately and in more detail later as I am still trying to make sense of it. It was sort of an "awakening".
In a nutshell, I watched a "forensics" type show about a wanna be actress named Christa Helm who was murdered in Hollywood. She had mentioned to a friend she was "in over head". The whole time I kept thinking of David Lynch and films like Lost Highway & Mulholland Drive. The next day at work, I searched "David Lynch and the Occult". I came across Pseudo Occult Media's write up on Inland Empire. As I'm reading all this MK Ultra stuff, I keep thinking about how it all sounds so much like my friend. But then the Natalie Portman write-up caught my eye because Black Swan had brought up some memories for me. As I'm reading, I find myself connecting to so much of what was written. From there, I found myself linking from one thing to another...all of it hitting "too close to home". Every movie I was ever obsessed with, the symbolism that I had always doodled, my collections....it just seemed that everything that was MK Ultra/Illuminati was "so me".

But I didn't think it was actually
about me. Still, I was starting to feel weird and anxious to get home and dig up my doodles.
The day was riddled with weird synchs and strange energy. When I got home, I couldn't find my folder of old art. As I'm searching for it, I noticed a couple of old journals that I recently found in storage. One in particular caught my eye because the sun on the front looked a bit like the sun on the Portman article. Inside, I had written movie ideas. And it was echoing many of the things I had just read that day. I had forgotten about most of these "ideas"...spy chicks with shaved heads, synthetics used for mind control....I'd really have to do write up on this whole day to really get across how uncanny it all was. I had even brought up the movie Steppenwolf to a friend because of my mirror obsession and all the mirror talk with symbolism(not vanity; another topic altogether). I haven't seen that movie since I was 15, btw, but I said something to her about a line in the movie, "guilty of stabbing the reflection of a girl with the reflection of a knife". And there it is written in my journal(I hadn't quoted that in
years) along with so many other things I saw that day.
At this point, I was almost convinced my friend was MK'd. It would certainly help explain why all of the music videos seemed to be about her!

But as for myself, I didn't see that as a possibility. Instead, I thought it had to be the influence of movies. I became kind of pissed off thinking, "Once I strip all of the programming away, what's left?" I was disgusted with my collections of Illuminati-esque meaningless objects. I couldn't believe that, I- a "so-called" individual could have been so bamboozled. I couldn't believe my identity could be completely constructed by Hollywood propaganda.
Okay, I'm rambling and meandering. There is just so much to all of this I'm leaving out and it doesn't seem like I'm making my point very well.

What does it all mean? Am I to believe my friend to be crazy? Are we both just victims of NLP/movie magic with two
very different perspectives? And why am I constantly being subjected to such craziness(more than the average Joe, I'd say)? What if there is some truth to her story and the other part delusion(side effect of programming)? If I am to believe any of her story, then can't that alter my perception of my own reality? We met in a weird way, have a strange bond...if she were really MK'd, what would that mean for me? Hell, we even dressed up like baby dolls for school when we were seniors, among other things, so I could delude myself into thinking we were "twinned". But I won't. But, yet, I still find myself irritated about how stuff always "seems to be about her", especially since they are
my favorite shows/films. I mean, I see the connections she's making but I could make those connection, too if I had delusions of grandeur. I just see these "connections" as synchronicity that I don't understand or old programming being referenced. It's all just very confusing and hard to explain but it's a daily struggle and constantly on my mind.
I know I'll never have the answers I need. I feel I'll always be confused with "what ifs". I wish I could talk to her...or someone. I wish I had answers. Well, that was a horribly condensed version of what I've been going through for the last few years. I feel relatively sane, though. I figured if I was crazy, I'd just believe whatever popped into my head. So, at least I've got that going for me!