wake_up_bomb wrote:
Wise Haven wrote:
I tried to get a Big Mac in Dunstable late one evening - the restaurant was closed but not the drive-through. So after knocking on the door and not getting an answer I went through the drive through (lateral thinking hey?) when they opened the window I said "Brmmm Brmmm! can I have a big Mac Please?" - No was the answer.
"What If I come through on a horse will I be served?" I enquired.
"Yes, was the quizzical answer.
So I Brmmmed off down the drive thru,,round the building and entered the drive-thru lane doing my best Monty Python horse impression accompanied by clippety clop coconut type hoof noises.
I knocked on the window.
"Can I have a big Mac now please?" I pleaded.
"No, fuck off - and that goes for bikes and skateboards too"
So, I did fuck off, as fast as my coconut hoof type impressions could carry me.
I know when the bureaucrats have me licked. Talking to treacle is more productive.
BTW: This was in my younger days and pissed as a fart I was
hic!
This reminded me of a similar late night conversation I had at a Burger King about 15 years ago, after I’d astutely found the doors of this particular outlet to be locked, but that the drive-in was still open.
- Sorry we can’t serve you, the restaurant’s closed.
- Yeah, that’s okay, I only live round the corner, I don’t want to sit inside.
- We can’t serve you without a car.
- What? Why not?
- It’s a health and safety issue.
- But I’m not going to get run over. We're in the middle of nowhere, at 10pm on a Sunday night.
- Sorry, it's just a health and safety issue. You might get run over.
- But there’s no-one here apart from me! There are no cars to run me over! You must be aware of this too because you’re clearly not waiting to serve anyone!
- Yes, I’m sorry we can’t serve you, it’s a healthy and safety...
- What if you take my order, and I’ll stand in the car park over there so it’s impossible for a car to run over me, and you can call me over when it’s ready?
- We still can’t serve you.
- This is fucking ridiculous. You’re just giving money away. I’m just going to have to go somewhere else instead, and rest assured I won’t come here again. What do you think I’m going to do – report you to the police after you’ve served me?
- Sorry, it’s health and safety.
- For fuck’s sake.
Ginnie And Two Drunkers
Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the Ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.
After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object, floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, " OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now an quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one."
The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, " Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!"
" Fine," said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire Ocean to beer.
" Great move, Einstein", said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head. " Now we're gonna have to piss in the boat."
