Making a list, checking it twice, lets see whose been saying shit they never thought they'd hear themselves say...

Just a minute ago to my son "back in my day..." (I feel old )
"Don't climb that high" right after you were just higher than that.
"Don't jump off that!" or any combination of "don't jump on/off (insert object)"
"Don't touch that"
"Don't hit the dog/cat"
"Don't do drugs" or "Don't smoke weed" or "Don't touch the alcohol"
"Don't chew on that"
"The vacuum is not for riding on"
"Don't run under the horse! " followed closely by a heart attack...
"Don't slam the door" right after you slammed the door
"Eat your vegetables, drink your milk, eat your fruits..."

I'll be back and post more, I gotta go say more stuff I never thought I'd say...

"Is this water" then you smell the contents just to make sure someone isn't giving you a clear alcohol
"I'm getting too old for this" regarding hangovers

Just said this one... "stop it! you're not pounding!" the demonspawn has a spoon and is on the ladder

It's the things the kids say that crack me up. Especially when they're small.

When Sarah was 2 years old, she said to me, "When you're dead, can I have your shoes?"

I asked her what she wanted for her birthday when she was little, & after some thought, she said she'd have one of those stripy things like her dad has. I asked what stripy her what she meant, & she said, "You know, you can see it when he's in the bath - like an elephant's trunk near his legs." (Sripey? ) I said, "What do you want one of them for?", & she said she just liked the look of 'em.

Again when she was tiny, her dad arrived home in a grump, and the 1st thing he said to her was, "Pick all these toys up, right now". She stood up & put her hands on her hips, and said, "No I willn't, and you're not in charge. Me & my mum are".

Then another time, she had her pet lip out when I asked her to take something to her dad in the garden. I asked what was up, & she said she didn't want to speak to him, 'cause he was being unkind to her. I asked why, & she explained she'd just been ballet dancing & had accidentally kicked him in the tentacles.

She couldn't pronounce 'th' for ages, so I used to deliberately ask her what she'd been doing, knowing she'd answer, "Yis & yat."

When Alex was tiny, we were walking through town, when I bumped into a woman who'd previously been a work colleague, Jane, who happens to be a dwarf. We stood having a chat for a bit, and she kept saying how cute Al was, and trying to stroke his face, but he kept dodging round my legs, out of her reach. Just as we were heading our separate ways, he demanded in a booming, angry voice, "Why didn't you stop that elf trying to touch me? You know they're dangerous!" .

When he first started school, he asked if he could invite 2 new friends home for their tea. I asked their names, and he said they were Fraggle and Asda. I was a bit disappointed on meeting them to learn that they were really called Bradley & Esther.

Got this from a website:

Omg gilly, those stories we're the best

Have you got any more?

One time was walking down the road while demonspawn road his bike... apparently I was walking too fast because he yelled at me "mom! wait up! don't leave your only child behind!"

When my son was about 3 or 4 he was in the bath, pointed to my boobs and asked what they were. I told him that they were boobies. He asked if he would get them, and I told him that he wouldn't, 'cause only ladies have them. He then said 'but grandad has boobies'.

When Sarah was about 6, we were watching TV when some mention of the word lesbian came on, & she asked me what one was.
I said it's women who like other women better than they like men. She said she thought she might be one. I told her she'd know when she was older, 'cause it's grown up stuff.

I also pointed out that most of her friends were actually boys. She said, "Yes, but I'm not friends with Oliver any more, because he keeps squeezing my cheeks".

Then she said, "Ahmire at my school is a lesbian". I said I was pretty sure he wasn't, but she was adamant, so I just said, "Well, alrighty then".

After a bit, she went, "Oh no - Ahmire's not a lesbian. He's a Muslim. I always get them mixed up".

Ok couple of days ago, me and my lil one whose a 5 yr old boy went to the local office sorting place to pick up a parcel. Well he'd decided to take along his dragon hoby horse and his horse hobby horse so they could have a trip out, as you can imagine quite bulky items for a 5 yr old to be carrying well theres a load of steps down to the entrance of the sorting office, and there narrow, a woman looking in a bit of a rush comes up behind us, i say you carry on to her, and like a fog horn my lil boy says, when were practically on the same step as her "why does that woman look like a man"

In town, laden with bags, & dragging Alex alongside when he was little, I decided to pause for a smoke. We sat on a bench in one of the precincts (with no ceiling btw) and as soon as I lit up, this uniformed, grunting knuckle-dragger approached me, with quite an intimidating manner, and ordered me to put out the cigarette, because it was no longer allowed.

I said, "Since when?", & he pointed to a newly hung, miniscule plaque in the distance, & growled something like, "Can't you read?", as he started lurching away to accost someone else.

I was a bit put out, so shouted after him, "Excuse me. Can you show me where there's a plaque advising sanctimonious, interfering busy-bodies to mind their own business?". He stood there, swaying for a moment, and looking confused, then said, he didn't think there was one. I said, "Well that's a pity - I'm not interested in reading your plaques then". At which point Alex, seizing the opportunity to be insolent, shouted, "And you smell like a zoo".

go alex

MrsGood wrote: what she said ^

Hope you gave Alex a pat on the back and told him what a good little bugger he is!

Mine need little encouragement.

I wish I had a digital photo of Sarah when she was 2 and a bridesmaid for my sister. She looked so angelically gorgeous in her pink satin gown, & little flowers woven through her long blonde hair, that everybody was going, "Ahhh!" when they saw her, and some were reaching to touch her.

She smiled & purred when it was folk she knew, but when anyone she wasn't familiar with did it, she glowered demonicaly & hissed at them. If strangers reached to touch her, she went to bite their hands. It was proper funny to see people recoil in shock. Me & my mum & sister were a bit shocked, but couldn't stop ourselves laughing.

I remember my daughter asking my ex, mummy why has your fairy got a beard?

jhado wrote:
Was she talking about you?

After asking the eldest what she'd done at nursery one day I was a bit perturbed to hear "learn about strangers", "what did you learn?" came my obvious reply "Not to go with anyone unless mummy or daddy say it's ok", comforted by this reply I thought nothing more of it, then comes summer, we're on a drive out and stop to ask directions, 'the eldest' is sat behind mrs oioioi in the passenger seat, mrs oioioi beckons a typical old Greek man sat outside a cafe, 'the eldest' freaks out as he approaches the car screaming at the poor old man "get away from me, my mum doesn't love you!"

&

Gilly wrote: You'd be a bit disappointed if you rented or downloaded Muslim porn instead of lesbian porn.

Watching TV just now, there was a fire on the stove,
my 6 year old turns to me and says: "mom, don't try this at home... get the fire extinguisher"
me: "what fire extinguisher?"
son: "the ones out there (points to what I think is outside)"
me: "so you want me to go out, get through the swarm of bees living in the shed to get a fire extinguisher we don't know works"
son: (looks at me like i am stupid) "no, theres two in the laundry room mom"
me: "there is? how long have they been there!"
son: "forever (again with the look)"
my mom: "17 or 18 years"
me: "what?! "
I go out there and look...sure enough, 2 fucking fire extinguishers sitting on the shelf in the laundry room it took living here for 17-18 years and a 6 year old to point this out to me

When Al was tiny, he was once asking me for something, & I said, "What's the magic word?"

He pondered it for a bit, then put on this mystical look, and while weaving his hands in the air like a magician, answered, "Mingles".

Gilly wrote:
Love it!