... well come in here and tell us all about it.

We'll listen.

However, the chances are, we will also proceed to rip you to death over it with endless jokes, jibes and puns until you want to throw yourself from the nearest cliff.

On that basis, viewer discretion is extensively advised. You've been warned

I'll go first...

Having slept very little for the past few days (ok, 20 odd years), this morning when I awoke, my head was comletely up my arse. That way where you feel as if the sandman dropped you some rohypnol whilst you slept and did unspeakables to you when you where in the land of nod.
What?
Just me then?

Anyways... after I'd done all the usual morning mother routine and the house was empty again, I went to make my coffee from my machine, switched it on and decided to see to the washing machine whilst it filled my cup.

But it didn't fill my cup because my fucking cup WASN'T THERE!

The hot milk was absolutely everywhere and I can't even begin to describe the mess and chaos. All I wanted to do at that point was lie down... in the mess and curl into a fetal position. Devastated I was


But if that wasn't bad enough...

Scroll forward to about 25mins ago... smoking up my chimney so I can watch the snooker at the same time ( ), I leaned down to relight my erm, ciggy and the nasty cheap disposable lighter decided to do some kind of mini explosion and burnt off half of my eyelashes on one bloody eyeball!

I'm SO pissed off! It's going to take at least 2 months for this to be rectified, at least!

It's not fair!

And if any smart arse comes on and gives me some lecture about why I shouldn't smoke... I will hunt them down and kill them.

Smoking up your chimney?

Oh & those disposable lighters are a menace. Get a zippo

diamondgeezer wrote:
Yeah... when you do it right the smoke sucks right up the lum ya see and I don't get wet standing in the pissing rain when I don't need to.


And I have lot's of lighters, including zippo's... just so happened the shit one was todays particular one

psketti wrote:
I got to "having" then got extremely bored and had to go for a lie down. Don't worry though, I have 'smote' you, accordingly.

I've been feeling a bit down and angry all day. Signing up to this place was a bit problematic, "irrepressible01" I would have been devestated if novum couldn't have changed it

I hope your eyelashes grow back soon psketti...

irrepressible wrote:
Me too... but it's going to be bloody ages before they're right again... put on mascara earlier to gage the damage and I just wanted to cry

psketti wrote:
Aww to hear that.

No worries I'll up your karma again

I'm presently growing my beard back again. Reason? Because strimming it down to 'designer stubble' as I have been doing is giving me fucking spots! Spots in me 40's ffs!

Oh, oh...wait...see, I missed that bit about burning your face.



If you'd put that bit in earlier I may have actually read the whole thing.

Ab Origine wrote:
It was ALWAYS there ACTUALLY

psketti wrote:
Yeah, I know. I mean't put it in earlier into the post, so as I didn't lose attention so quickly.

Piss off numbnuts.

*bump*

Eyelashes grown back yet sketts?

Sorry to hear of your tribulations, Skett. Perhaps you could use false eye-lashes for a a bit. I've never tried them, so don't now how practical they are.

It's the pits when you're over tired. Sometimes sleep deprivation gets to me.

Once, when I was managing an electrical shop when I lived in the north east, I was so knackered through insomnia, that I walked out of the shop an hour early, but genuinely thinking it was home time - just said the the blokes there, "One of you idle gargoyles can cash up & lock up for once", and marched out. None of them said a word - just stood there looking bewildered.

And it was an hour later when I realised the time error, whilst simultaneously realising that I'd been driving for an hour in the wrong direction, heading for a house I'd lived at previously. It actually frightened me because I thought I'd gone loopy.

Gilly wrote:
Does happen from time to time

I had a really nasty reaction to Champix. It made me really depressed and suicidal.

Mr P was really worried, so he called someone out on Tues last week. They gave me some some sort of pill which made me worse. I was convinced that Dick Turpin and his horses were under the coffee table and little African boys were in the food cupboard. I was trying to feed them, but I was unsteady on my feet. I got bloody milk and cereal all over the kitchen

Now I've got some low dosage diazepam for a couple of weeks. They said they've seen a few people become suicidal after taking Champix.

Since then, my hand eye coordinaton has not been working propery and I'm writing posts and think wft? my typing is appalling. I posted a picture of my cleavage, but I was going to to it one day anyway. I'ts my best feature and rapidly heading south, so why the fuck not.

Of course, I can laugh now at Dick Turpin living under the cofee table - can't remember any of it. But, never take olanzapine. Apparently it should have made be better, but it did the complete opposite. They can stay away from me with their Dick Turpin drugs.

Idk, my mum has been ill for ages, but I think the Champix flicked a switch and turned the stress into severe depression. I would not recommend this medication to anyone. But, I am still not smoking!

you got really pretty hair too les. i dont mean that in a gay way, but i guess abs has been rubbing off on me. hohoho
you're my favorite busty ninja milf so im glad you got sorted out, with the help of mr p.
mr p.. envy of sz, saver of friends.

Thanks Batou, you're a total honey. I hope you have someone special who appreciates you and rubs off on you in the flesh - so to speak.

I wish I could remember Dick Turpin and the little African boys - that sounds like some crazy trip!

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
I've offered to rub Bats off but he's not having none of it.

I don't think you're allowed to keep children in cupboards any more either. Just so you know.