Let me clarify what I mean.
If you became so sick or injured that you needed constant care, would you expect the people around you presently to help you,people around you meaning friends and family."Or do you think it would be to much of a burden on them"

And do you feel that you could,or would do this for another of your inner circle?"Or would it just be to much of a burden on you"

This is a real question people are facing and have to decide if they can let a situation like this change their lives,even if it is a loved one, close friend or even family of some type

I guess it would depend on what you mean by care. If you mean everything then I would probably give loved ones the option to leave me behind and go on with their life. Having said that I doubt they would(right now that would have to be my wife).

I would probably feel like a burden at times if not always and I am sure my wife would find it hard at times to cope with the burden but I think she probably would. I would certainly do my best to do the same for her.

I would probably top myself in those circumstances.

Let my loved ones get over it, and then get on with their lives, and not waste valuable years wiping up my dribble.

You might still be able to communicate and share the company of each other even if you needed dribble wiped. Would you really take yourself away from them on purpose?

I don't know if there is a real obligation moral or otherwise, this would be a individuals own choice to care for a person in really bad shape,it's easy to say you would, but the reality of it is overwhelming, and very limiting and time consuming,and it becomes your lifestyle of helping them and not going down your own path in life in many ways.

And the other side is that if you yourself need help,would it be right to expect someone other than a actual medical facility to take on your burden and lifelong care,

I would not expect anyone to have to do this for me,and I don't think I could do this for anyone,just to be honest about it

that is fair enough. When I first started reading this I thought you were going to ask about pulling the plug on a loved one. I remember that when my mum died it was sort of a relief because I felt her suffering was over but I don`t know if I could actually pull the plug on somebody. I know not what you asked but...

i-baster wrote:
Never had to be in a position of pulling the plug on any family members,the ones that died did so relatively quickly, no long term medical care or life support situation

I fully expect to become a burden, Rick, and I'm not just being glib about it, either.

I was talking about this with someone the other day. At the rate we're going at presently, there will likely be no such thing as a state pension when/if I reach retirement age. Even if I found a brilliantly paid career tomorrow, I'd have some serious making up to do to get anywhere near what I'd need to live out my dotage.

Basically, I'm screwed. I'm fairly confident none of my family would have the resources or time to care for me, as few of them speak to me at the moment.

I'm planning on posting myself up to sketti in the wilds of Scotland, but I may have to let her have her way with me before I can expect any kind of hospitality from her, tbh. That's even if she's still there...she's a bit 'flighty', you know.



When things get that bad, and I suspect that they will, I think I'll do what I can before I even consider death. If it got to the point where I couldn't even feed and house myself (and lets be perfectly honest, I struggle with that even now) then it may become an option. I won't do anything too dramatic, but I think I might find somewhere nice and quiet to sit and slip away.

I'll aim to be like Bruce Forsythe, he's still sprightly and healthy despite being 102.

Ab Origine wrote:
This world may change dramatically,I don't know about your state pension,but I guess that will for sure change,if society continues in a civilized or *financially stable environment*<<<that was hard to say

I think a multitude of cheap living apartment buildings will be constructed for the retired in the future,and some type of allotment system will take the place of what a pension was,and all the earnings given will be controlled for the seniors or handicapped person,for their rent,food,medicine and they may not even have access to it just on paper ,and not much money left for their personal wants,just necessities and to pay for their care if needed

its not something im really looking forward to, being old or trapped in a cripple body. if i cant go do things and have fun, if im just sick and miserable and bed ridden, id hope someone would come end it. what kind of bastard enjoys suffering? but if they wont do it i would. actually id do it first if i could, i dont want them to have to feel like there is blood on their hands.
ill just crawl into my power chair with black face and steer it with my dick to a kkk rally.

I wouldn't expect it, but I know my mom would. My friend who just moved to Idaho would probably come back and help, known her for 18 years.

And yes, I would do it for another... my mother will never see the inside of an old person's home, she spent years taking care of me (even when I was 13 after an accident that left me paralyzed on the right side for a short time)...now it's mine turn to help care for her for the rest of her life. That friend of mine, she has so much help around her, but if she needed it, I'd give it. Would give my life for my son, so of course I'd do whatever I had to and needed to to care for him.

I don't see why people wouldn't do it, other than selfishness. You can still take breaks here and there, take a weekend and go somewhere if your loved one is with a trusted person. Not everything is about the "me, myself, and I"...you also gotta expand it to include "me, myself, I, my children, my family, my friends".

StarsChildren wrote:
Your words are wonderful,and most likely the ways things should be,I commend your giving and caring nature

This situation would depend a lot on a unselfish attitude to become involved in,but in my way of thinking it's not being selfish wanting to be free of burden's caused by another, just a need to live my life however it goes without a major detour caused by something unrelated to me, and the feeling of obligation that is repressive and limiting.

I'll do the honourable thing and top myself once I become a burden to my family.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
I think a tight knit family group would be more inclined to care for one of theirs who got sick or injured.

I do also think that if you don't have this close knit group or they have died off you are basically going to be admitted to a nursing home,and rot until you finally die.

I had to Google the expression top myself to know for sure what it meant,but I was pretty sure,and yes I have wondered if that would be a option to consider in the event of a terminal or very painful existence of suffering alone or with strangers until my death.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote: I can see how someone may consider that route but I would wonder whether we may end up giving them a heavier burden to carry through life as a result.

Feather and Rick, I've wondered about these things. I remember how my dad found caring for his father to be extremely stressful as the old chap became increasingly ill. My dad is an only child, and my gran had passed over by then, so all the caring was left to him. I only have one child, and my fella (who is not my son's father) does not want to have one of his own.

However, my grandad was 83 when he passed away and seemed determined to keep on going despite his failing health. Most elderly and ill people do. At the age I am now, topping myself before I get into that state seems the logical thing to do, yet most elderly people don't actually do it. I often wonder what happens to you as you get older that makes you want to soldier on?

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
I have seen this exact thing you have mentioned. and it seems very normal in the really old ones,and is a excellent question to ask about,because many younger people commit suicide for reasons other than extreme pain or illness and misery at the drop of a hat,or reasons that seem senseless.

But many really old people hang in there through many serious miseries of the body and suffer through until their time comes.

Something must change Rick. Maybe it's fear of death, because it's easy to say you're comfortable with your own mortality when you're in your 20's, 30's, 40's and beyond, but perhaps it's different when it's staring you straight in the eye. Mind you, my grandad said he wanted to see my son grow up for as long as possible, and he was also very curious about technological advances.

I wouldn't want my parents or my partner's mum to end up in a home, and I'd rather they sold their houses so we could build some sort of granny annex in the back garden. I tried to talk to my fella about this, as our parents are in their 60's, but he just put it down to my gloomy and pessimistic nature.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
I had a very wise old man tell me once,when you get old you feel sympathy for others much more clearly,and also you feel hate more intensely,but your feeling's of regret are the most painful.