Sorry this is not about serious forum issues.

Just wanted some advice. I agreed to take the kids Ninjutsu class (had my arm twisted by sensei) with my 13 year old son on Saturday and aside from having a chest infection at the time it was pretty traumatic. My son got kicked in the face by a 5 year old boy and stormed out and is never going to the kids class again. I don't want to go and help out again and coupled with my recent panic attack at the adult class, the whole thing has put me right off.

tbh I was getting bored of it. I used to do kickboxing and I get bored with fiddling about with people's wrists and learning Japanese names etc. I just like to smack the shit out of pads and kick stuff tbh.

Very stressed about the lad. He is being a bugger with homework and bunked off from school for the first time ever 2 weeks ago. He is now on report for that and not doing h/work.

Got a chest infection and feel like shite...blah...moan...yawn.

First world problems I know - sorry. If anyone wants to chat bollox talk to me.

Why is the sensei even allowing full on contact? Adults, I could see...teens I could even see, but a 5 year old? Is the sensei on drugs?

As for the homework, slap him upside the head, tie him to a chair in front of the kitchen table and tie his hands to the table so he can write and nothing else. He is not allowed up until he is done

Sorry to hear about your chest infection, must suck

I can't really give you any great parenting advice, I wouldn't feel qualified to do so. But I can tell you that around the age that your son is I lost all interest in schoolwork. I had always got good grades without trying very hard, but I hated secondary school. To this day, I don't think kids should even be set homework, or at the very least only during school holidays. If you can't teach them enough in the 35 bloody hours they're at school each week to get them to pass a few GCSEs then there's something very wrong, in my opinion. That's not very helpful, is it?

All I can say is this period is a very difficult time. You start to feel like an adult, but are still treated like a child, and yet at school you're sort of expected to behave like an adult by your peers, but deep down you recognise that you're still a kid. You're going through some physical and hormonal changes. You feel like lashing out against all forms of authority, yet you're not given any platform or freedom to do so. The adult world is scary and unfamiliar to you, and when you are thrust into it you're not really respected and treated as an equal, but you're too old for kids' stuff.

It's not an easy time, but one thing I would say is that it's good to have a way to let off steam. I used to play sport almost constantly in my spare time. Maybe your lad doesn't want to do Ninjutsu, but I think it'd be good for him to have some form of outlet for his energy if you can arrange something suitable. Because you don't get a lot of it out at school, you just have to sit there listening to boring people talk about coastal erosion and French infinitives!

StarsChildren wrote:
Lol, the full contact was the little boy's idea! To be fair my son was fuming and had enough control to leave and sulk downstairs. I feel broody quite often, but Jesus, not after Saturday!

I am going to do some hardcore nagging, back in a bit.

Btw Stars Children, I wish I could email you some of my lemon liqueur, it's right nice.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
Just fax it, they have 3D printers now... I'll fax some of my whiskey, vodka, tequila, or wine over to you (after I see what what's left ).

You mentioned that you had boxed, why not get a punching bag and teach him yourself?

He likes the Ninjutsu, he just doesn't want to go to the junior class after getting beaten up by a 5 year old.

He's up for the adult class, apart from tonight, he's got a nasty cold.

If he got "beaten up" by a 5 year old, wtf does he think an adult is going to do to him?! I can almost say 100% confidence that an adult hits and kicks harder than a 5 year old (although my 6 year old hits pretty damn hard).
Sorry, shouldn't be poking fun at the kid, but seriously... wtf?

Nah, Stars - a 5 year old doesn't exercise the self-control an adult would to avoid hurting a new opponent.

I've seen the same thing with the lads in my son's judo class.

True Gilly, in most cases... and I can see an adult showing self restraint where a child/teen is concerned too.
However, I'd still be asking my son what was going through his head when mommy can still pin him to the floor and he runs the other direction when mommy yells .

It's my intention to have my son run in the opposite direction when I yell, even when he's 35.

Re the homework - no telly / mates round / treats of any kind or food till it's done right. If he doesn't want you breathing down his neck over it constantly, he should get the message & show willing to do it unsupervised.

Unless discussion reveals he has a problem he didn't want to admit, in doing that particular work unaided.

Lol, he didn't really get beaten up. It was more of a shock and the fact that he was really angry and couldn't have a go at a 5 year old.

None of the parents stayed, so it was just me and my son. It was like being fed to a pack of wolves. Certainly not what you need after a stinking cold when you're coming down with a chest infection.

My immune syetem must be shit, because as soon as I get tired and stressed out I get ill. Part of the reason for having a forum break was because I was having a manic episode and was doing other stuff. Mainly work. I was getting increasingly anxious about work and money, so I decided that the solution was to work more more, not sleeping etc.

In the end I got myself into a right state and had to have a course of sleeping tablets because I was hallucinating due to lack of sleep.

Now I'm ill and have had to cut back on what I'm doing, so that was completely counter productive. I'm not a total nutter honestly, and I'm often comforted to know that people can't tell that I have bipolar unless I tell them. I feel guilty about the effects on my son and partner. However, apparently I am a high functioning bipolar person.

Gilly wrote:
Mine too... he's already been told that if he reaches his dads height by the time he is 10-15 I'm taking the bat to his knees to bring him down to my size... and at this point in time, when I yell he jumps, when I go towards him while yelling he runs and screams "I didn't do it!" ...I hope to keep it going so his response is the same no matter how old he gets.
Funnily enough, I've never beat the kid, but he has seen me go toe to toe with a few other people so he may just be smart enough to realize he don't wanna push mommy over the edge and he best get the fuck out of the way. Either that or he just thinks I can't catch him which is where the vinegar comes in, one spray into the air and he's screaming bloody murder as if I had just beat him


Which brings me to the next piece of advice for dear Lesley..is there anything your kid absolutely hates? Like the smell of vinegar? If so, put it in a spray bottle and threaten to spray him with it or spray it in the direction he attempts to run in from you until he decides to do his homework and listen to what you say or until you have in cornered so you don't have to chase him.

He hates his homework!

Can't threaten him with that though.

I even sent him some links that I found about ethical cocoa farms in the Ivory Coast to help him with his geography project. Just going to see if he's put them to good use. Brb.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
can you imagine trying to threaten him with that?
"If you don't do you're homework, you're gonna have to do you're homework! " might just confuse him to the point he does it to shut you up

And you actually think a 13 year old boy is still ON the geography links? yeah, okay...

StarsChildren wrote:
It's like some sort of paradoxical loop. It's worth a try I suppose.

I'm sure he hasn't looked at the links. I would have thought it was the most boring load of shite when I was 13, yet I find it quite interesting at the age of 35.

No, I used to get the crap kicked out of me as a kid - my dad was like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. But I've never hit mine (beyond a token swat to gain attention).

I still act insane & use threats of physical violence to scare them though if they push my buttons enough. Seems to work.

*Edit* Loads aerosol with vinegar.

I never hit my son. He's taller than me now anyway and has ninja skills. I revoke Xbox and pocket money as punishments usually, but I need to find more creative ways as it's not working.

Got to go and nag again. Brb.

Know where you are coming from Gilly... my mothers ex was quite the asshole, in more than one way... although I can say he learned I hit harder than he thought when I was about 16 and hit him back, and then again when we had a brawl in the kitchen here in 2009.
Which is one reason physical violence is only ever a threat to my son (example "I'm going to beat your butt ")...he gets a quit slap on the butt or hand when quick action is needed, but that is all he gets. I don't wanna cross that invisible line between correction and abuse.

Have fun with the vinegar!

Go Lesley, GO! NAG NAG NAG, NAG NAG NAG

wake_up_bomb wrote:
^^^Yup, lesley, honestly.

I mean, if at that age he was coming straight home from school, changing out of his uniform (which he hung up ready for the next day), did his homework right off and then helped in the kitchen before consuming all his greens.... I'd worry a lot, lot more about him.

My daughter turned 13 in June - and not only can she not talk English anymore innit, it turns out she's been perfectly her Lying Technique all these years and can no longer say two civil words in a row to me in anything like a civil tone.

S'kids nowadays, innit.

And if you and he aren't enjoying kickboxing anymore, don't go again. It's meant to be fun. If it's not... you don't owe anyone and excuse or explanation. You and he go into a rough Gloucester pub on Saturday nights. You'll learn more about kickboxing there.

It's all very well trying to give sage advice on these things, but at the end of the day, we all just do our best & keep our fingers crossed really.

I know when Sarah was about 11, she once screamed that me and her dad are a pair of 'Fat arsed bitches'!

If I'd have said that to mine, I'd still be in orbit now. But we actually couldn't restrain ourselves from cracking up laughing, which is fairly bad parenting, I'd say!