@Lesley, instead of going through any more twats, I'll just stick with women until one can surprise me.

@Jhado, don't pat yourself on the back too hard, might knock yourself over.

@ Stars, I often used to think that too, but the truth is that I like cock too much.

It's called a strapon... then you get the best of both worlds. The cock, and the person who actually can understand your point of view and do all the things you can do without pissing and moaning about it (although it looks like you managed to find the lesbian trapped in a mans body)

Mr Pumpshaft was raised by a single mum and has two sisters, that probably has a lot to do with it!

The thing about strapons is that you don't get the money shot.

@ the first part... yeah, a mom and 2 sisters probably has a lot to do with your Mr's ability

@ the second part... WARN a person first I now have to clean rice off my screen

thats right. take your feminist propaganda straight back to the kitchen, stars.

@ Stars, sorry about the rice thing.

I want to stay and chat more filth, but I'm off to bed now.

StarsChildren wrote: Is it possible to stick with women without going through any more twats?

That was very low humour, I do apologise.

batou wrote:
Fuck off Bats I never said my rice came from my kitchen... could have been leftovers in a box from the Asian delivery place in town... and I had a napkin here, so I didn't have to go get anything from the kitchen to wipe the screen free of rice

Nite Lesley... and the rice screen was worth the laugh at came after.

wake_up_bomb wrote:
Hey WUB, that was quick.

wake_up_bomb wrote:

What's the difference between a male twat and female twat?

StarsChildren wrote:
It was also ironic that you ejected a white gloop after reading my post.

Twat is another name for fanny, which means vag in the UK. I still pmsl when I watch American shows and they talk about fannies.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:

Yes, I spit, not swallow the white stuff

It's a name for vag here too, if your hanging around people who actually know what the words coming out of their mouth mean.
Never mind... I was thinking of something else...

StarsChildren wrote: There might not be any difference for you, but I assure you that no-one would need to point the difference out to me.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
Ooh Leslie, where to begin?

Thankyou

About 11 years ago, I broke my foot.

This is no word of a lie, with no hesitation at all, my husband whipped out his tools, and designed, and fabricated in wood, a 'knee stool', specifically so that I could still stand at the kitchen sink and the cooker.

Once I'd learned to balance utensils on my upturned face, I could even extend it horizontally in front of me, and utilize it as a balancing aid, whilst hopping between kitchen appliances.

One day, whilst using it to support myself while ironing, a slight topple sent myself, the ironing board, and a 7 lb searing hot steam generator iron, hurtling to the ground in a writhing heap. Partially stunned, yet still able to panic, several other novel uses for that fucking knee stool sprang to mind, proving just what a versatile invention it actually was.

I know I shouldn't laugh, but that's just fucking funny Gilly... specially when I picture just where that "knee stool" ended up

Bloody typical!

The git once made himself a attachment to hold the top of his ladder away from the wall, so that he had room to manouver while - I dunno - arsing about at the top of his ladder.

So he delegated to me, the task of steadying the ladder's base, while he climbed 20 feet up in the air, faffing at the roof for no good reason. No problem, till he decides it's not in just the right position, & can't be mythered climbing back down. So instead, he started riving and cavorting with much enthusiasm, until the 5 lb attachment (some might say, predictably, ) plummeted like a lead zeppelin, ricocheting off the top of my skull, before removing half a nipple, then a good chunk of shin on its decent.

I was pole-axed.

As I came to, however, I was mightily relieved to learn that there was no cause for alarm. The attachment hadn't suffered any serious damage!!!

Once we'd established that my head was miraculously intact, and movement had been regained in one of my fingers, he announced that I'd feel as right as rain once I'd rustled up a pot of tea - and perhaps toasted a few crumpets.

He makes me...