It is not my intention to bring you all down, but some of you are the only folks who seem to remotely 'get me' sometimes, so I thought I'd ask this here.

I've been feeling like this for a while. I'm done searching for answers or even pretending that there might actually be any and to be perfectly frank, I'm tired.

Increasingly, I find myself isolating myself from everyone around me and their (what I perceive to be in the main) 'petty' dramas. I grow weary and ever more frustrated at people's lack of ability to see the world as I do. I don't mean this in a condesending way at all: It's just I can only point things out to people so many times before I get bored and fuck 'em off out of it. I'm also not pretending that I am in any way right about everything either. But there are some things which really should be obvious to just about everyone, shouldn't they? I don't blame people for ignoring me actually...my version of the world is pretty shitty at the best of times.

I raise this here because I reckon some of you may have felt the same at some point and I wondered what you found, if anything, to get yourself up out of it. Escaping depression (not to suggest that I am actually 'depressed' at this point in time, as I don't believe myself to be) has been a bit of a life-long quest for me, and I've still not figured it out. I've tried big pharma, 'counselling' ( )...I've even tried eating, smoking and drinking my way to happiness. I've also tried buying my way to happiness, though increasingly this is becoming more difficult, let alone just paying bills and feeding myself.

Nothing, nadda, zip. Do you think some people are just destined to be miserable?

The real irony of the whole situation is that there is actually nothing much wrong with me, physically at least. I have psoriasis sometimes, mild asthma occassionally and, oh yeah...I'm a sexual deviant. But other than that. Aside from the inversion nothing a sensible diet and clean living wouldn't remedy, could I afford to do so. I do have a roof over my head at present. Which is nice. I suppose I should feel guilty really, but I don't.

I have family and friends and again, I know I should probably feel differently about things because of them, but truthfully, I don't. I think about a world sans me and I think it would just carry on ticking over quite nicely. It might be a bit painful at first, but life goes on. I've lost people I love and my life still monotonously edges away from me (though seemingly not quite fast enough for my liking), so I know this to be true.

So, here I find myself. I think about how I might die and when I might die. I must hasten to add that this isn't some thinly veiled cry for help either, as I've nowhere near the gumption to actually end it all myself. Plus, facebook and the like are much better fora for those types of appeals for validation I find, which is precisely why I avoid places like that like the plague.

No, I'm really just at a loss and asking if anyone can point me in the right direction, particularly if they have been this way before themselves? I am done, finished, knackered. I have nothing left to offer and I am conceivably of no apparent use to anyone. I wake up every morning a bit miffed about exactly why I have woken up again. There is nothing in the entire world that could surprise me or delight me any longer. I feel a bit like I went on some ropey package holiday but my tour company went bust and I've just been left here. I just can't figure it out and it is beginning to get on my tits a bit. Am I just 'filler'? Are any of us more than that?

Thank you for reading and apologies if I've made you feel anything less than brilliant. It certainly was not my intention to do so, but I'm kind of grasping at straws here. All insights are welcome.

Sorry if this sounds kinda trite, but January is one of the most depressing months of the year. Not to belittle how your feeling at all, but we don't get much daylight during the Winter. Don't even get me started on post Christmas fallout. It all adds up to being grimness which can fuck people up and make them feel like they just want to die!

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
Every year at this time here on the North East i get extra depressed from January-March.

When i stayed in South Florida in the winters during my 20's i never got down like this.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is real.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder

Ab's keep your head up.

I truly wish we could identify the root cause, and erradicate it.

I'm sorry if this offends anybody, but I can't help but be suspicious that outside influences may be at work. I don't know what - these bloody cell phone towers maybe. A few years ago I did some reading up on them, and 2 of the places that had stupidly high suicide rates were also particularly densely packed with these towers / masts.

This is true. I feel like such a wuss because I live in Georgia and I can hardly handle the cold we have here. And I always heard about the UK having a lot of cloudy weather- that sucks so bad. A cold day is a little more tolerable when you can see the sun.

I guess I can't complain. But, honestly, January and February seem to drag on forever. I love Spring thru Fall. Winter sucks.

Was NOT prepared for this.

phemohilia wrote:
It's the British way, unfortunately

I'd say there are parts of Scotland (east coast) that definitely get more annual sunshine than parts of NW England.

Have you ever spent time in Manchester? The sun doesn't shine much, seriously.