Hello chaps and fillies
I just had the MI5 boffins seize control of this wild-eyed hippy communist's internet account to express my frank outrage at the very suggestion I bear any ill will to the disabled. The very idea is absurd - if I had anything against the disabled, why would I have mentally disabled Iain Duncan Smith in charge of the Department of Destroying Work and Pensions?
I love all people of the earth as long as they're aspirational and preferably wealthy. I keep a man with no arms and legs in my bathroom and pay him £5 a day to clean my bottom with his tongue after I've been to the toilet. Do you know why I do that? It's because he's displaying that plucky get-ahead spirit and getting out there to earn a crust instead of expecting the state to provide for him.
In fact, I think it is society at large that discriminates against the disabled by claiming they need more money for wheelchairs and carers and the like. This kind of old fashioned left wing thinking is what holds the disabled back and stifles their entrepreneurial spirit with excessive nannying. What people with Parkinson's, MS and motor neuron disease really want is the chance to get out there and compete in the market. They want to be cut loose from the cycle of dependency and be allowed to drag themselves to Asda to stack shelves with pride. An honest day's work for a honest day's minimum wage. And it is up to the Big Society to help them home in the unlikely event they collapse helpless trying to walk home because the years of socialist indoctrination have led them to believe the public can afford public transport prices and food bills and the same time.
I would also take issue with this Mr Oi. I have nothing whatsoever against the poor. Now I know times have been difficult, but I have to stress we are all in this together. And since I seem to be managing, then it stands to reason the poor must be managing. I can therefore keep taking their money away until I feel the pinch and realise it's time to stop taking their money away. That's what being in it together is all about.
Times have been tough - because of those other people who are to blame for anything that goes wrong until they get back in and start blaming me for anything that goes wrong. But the future is bright. Yesterday I was burning a big pile of £5 notes. Today I am burning a big pile of £20 notes. Tomorrow I think I will be burning a big pile of £50 notes. And this is only right and proper. It is far better I do this while drinking vintage champagne than give any of it to the poor. They need to get out there and earn their own big pile of money to burn., They'll thank me for it in the long run.