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TOPIC: Doublespeak dictionary

Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 11:30 #1

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I thought we might start our own using modern day terms and stating what they really mean:

"strictly classified" = "totally implicating"
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 11:38 #2

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"6 bedrooms. No children, no pets" = "Obnoxious snobby twat who hopefully will never rent the house"
“Fascists are not human. A snake is more human.” - Hugo Chávez
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 11:51 #3

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That's quite a specific one!
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 12:02 #4

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oioioi wrote:
That's quite a specific one!

I see it a lot, its the first one that comes to mind :D

They also usually add 'No DSS' etc.

I'm amazed they manage to find anyone to bother renting at all.
Rich cunt NaN's who want to lord it over their own little personal empire.

I mean FFS, so they want single retired people with loads of spare cash on no benefits at all with no kids and no pets to rent a 6 bedroom fucking house? :p
“Fascists are not human. A snake is more human.” - Hugo Chávez
Last Edit: 08 Aug 2013 12:07 by andyh.
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 12:09 #5

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andyh wrote:
so they want single retired people with loads of spare cash on no benefits at all with no kids and no pets to rent a 6 bedroom fucking house? :p

Not sure why they'd need 6 bedrooms but the lack of kids means it's more within their financial reach :chuckle:
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 12:19 #6

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oioioi wrote:
andyh wrote:
so they want single retired people with loads of spare cash on no benefits at all with no kids and no pets to rent a 6 bedroom fucking house? :p

Not sure why they'd need 6 bedrooms but the lack of kids means it's more within their financial reach :chuckle:

Aye, personally I'd never bother with more than a flat.
If I had the money I'd just want a better flat is all, 6 bedrooms though ffs lol...
“Fascists are not human. A snake is more human.” - Hugo Chávez
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 13:30 #7

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Business speak

"Hi, er, how about some face time during this week so we can touch base on a few things?"

=

I am coming unannounced without an agenda to check up on anything I feel like so look sharp
thank you St Jude for favours granted
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 14:30 #8

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We’re downsizing our operations in order to make efficiency savings.

We’re sacking people for the sake of it.

We have certain cashflow issues.

We don’t have any money.

Would you run that one up the flagpole for me?

I can’t be arsed to tell anyone, so I’m delegating it to you.

We want to make work pay.

We want to demonise benefit claimants.

We want to help hard working families.

We want to do everything possible to make life more difficult for hard working families.

We want to protect you from terrorism and tyranny.

We want to terrorise you and engage in tyranny against you.

I believe in the free market.

I believe in corporate fascism.

The financial sector is vital to [insert country’s] interests.

We can’t do anything to stop them, and we don't want to anyway.

"Free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction" - George W. Bush

I think everyone listening to this is a fucking idiot.
The true measure of a man is not his intelligence or how high he rises in this freak establishment. The true measure of a man is this: how quickly he can respond to the needs of others and how much of himself he can give - Philip K. Dick.
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 14:36 #9

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The only voice in my head when I read that WUB, was this :psketti:


12
the anorak hides the fact that sean is composed of 95% vaginas
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 14:40 #10

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psketti wrote:
The only voice in my head when I read that WUB, was this :psketti:

12
I would definitely be open to offers from Mock the Week. I won't hold my breath!
The true measure of a man is not his intelligence or how high he rises in this freak establishment. The true measure of a man is this: how quickly he can respond to the needs of others and how much of himself he can give - Philip K. Dick.
Last Edit: 08 Aug 2013 14:41 by wake_up_bomb.
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Doublespeak dictionary 08 Aug 2013 15:05 #11

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wake_up_bomb wrote:

I think everyone listening to this is a fucking idiot.

HAHAHAAAAA!!! :rofl: :rofl: :killinme: :killinme: :killinme: :killinme:
“Fascists are not human. A snake is more human.” - Hugo Chávez
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