A westminister insider said today that Pm David Cameron was left angry, deeply upset, and in tears when he learned of a top secret dossier that clearly states that the scottish have a secret oil & gas reserves that will last more than 500 years!!

The exact location is a national secret and was going to be made public if the scottish people do take the vote for independence take the "Yes Vote" marked by a month long piss up!

An unnamed scottish MSP said of the secret oil & gas reserve "Ya Beauty!"

"Ack Aye' it's a major two's up aer the english, & tae get that up ye's"


Another scottish MSP said in the secret dossier that he "was fert that this could reignite the auld auld hostilites
ae times past and that it could "aw kick aff again" wae the threat of a "fill scale english invasion"

But somone else said "aw pipe doon ya wee fanny n behave yirsel silly works"

David cameron said of the news "Im fuken ragein! what a bunch of sneaky cunts"

And when faced with the prospect of "begging the scottish for oil & gas" as a "total shiter" and that "he's absoluty gutted by the news"

And that "auld maggie" will be "turning in her grave"

A shaddow cabnet minister said of the news "I always knew the scottish were sleeked bastards" and "to get up there right away and to screw them for everything while we can"

A historian said that it was "akin to the vicious french taunting of 1607"

Meanwhile the news has been backed up by a wee man who was deemed mad wae it and was promptly aressted last month, at speakers corner london hyde park, fir shouting somthin aboot the scottish rebuilding haidrians wall.

A scottish spokes person played doon the claims n laughed saying "it was nothing more than a tony robertson Aka (baldrick from blackadder) type, time team escavation operatation in progress.

As it turns out he was a "lyin, skirt (kilt) wearing, haggis bashing bastard!"

The news has sparked major panic buying of tins of butine gas on the streets of london for people's clipper lighters for fears of an national shortage.

The mood in scotland tonight was wan ae great satisfaction and the heating turned up tae gas mark 5, and an all time national high in sales of toast n cheese.