A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
George Carlin

Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin

"Them who give in, go under".
My mum.

In a world full of pain your just crying in the rain,,,

If you let the word's of another man bother you, You might as well let the sperm of that other man father you

if stupidity hurt , you would'nt stop screaming