Don't suffer fools,don't let their whining and complaining,and pity for them they try to generate control you, they are weak,users,complainers,and self serving if you fall into their trap it will ruin you,this is the best advice I can give you.

You may be considered a hard ass,cold,and selfish but you will avoid problems,we are surrounded by idiots in life and people who just can't deal with or cope with things,but it's not your problem.

We grow as individuals or fail miserably, but give yourself a chance by not letting fools drag you down.

So in relation to the title of this thread, have you out of pity,fear,some obligation you feel you had to someone,made it hard for you to be honest and blunt with someone in your life which your inner self regrets?

I wish I had learned this sooner,but now this is the way I deal with others,I tell them I just don't care,can't help them,and your problems are not my problems being real is wonderful and saying what you really feel frees you.

This advice is coming from someone who has been used and my sympathy has been played on in the past very badly through my life.
I feel the need to express this and maybe somewhere down the road in your life it will help you

G'day Rick.

Awesome mate.

I came to this comprehension around 16 years ago now, though fully started enacting it a little over 13 years ago. Some people have described me as "hard nosed", "cold", "uncaring", etc, etc, since then, though those are the ones still attempting to gain my sympathy. Then again, there are others that have recognised me in the completely opposite way. Ultimately it's how I recognise myself that matters, after all, I have to live wioth me 24/7.

There's a HUGE difference with being empathetic and sympathetic. As the saying goes, misery loves company, and sympathy is the coinage of misery. You really are way better off without paying such a coinage, for it will only lead to your own misery.

Anyway, once again, it's awesome that you've come to this comprehension.

I don't stand for any nonsense, rick.

It also came to me like a bit of a revelation and also made me realise just how much our attitudes and little foibles are shaped by our upbringing.

As I've said before, I'm often out here on my own because of it, but sometimes I'd rather that than be surrounded by vampires.

That's not to say I don't help where I see someone genuinely struggling. It's rare to come across someone who is actually genuinely in need of assistance these days. A lot of it is about ego and pandering for the most part, but sometimes synchronicity does step in and puts you in exactly the right place at the right time.

I've also had more than one experience of being utterly humbled by the kindness and compassion of others...sometimes complete strangers. Long as you don't let your self-sufficiency get in the way of seeing that true gift, you'll be fine.

Ab Origine wrote:
I sense you have a uncanny ability to be yourself,and this has helped guide you to locations you are very happy with.

I have a reputation for being 'blunt' with people. Not because I have a desire to be nasty, quite the reverse.
If something is important enough, don't risk it getting lost in the fluff of politeness.

I'd much prefer to be known as the person who'll tell you what you need to hear, than the one who'll just tell you what you want to hear and I appreciate that trait in others towards me.

To do otherwise is both uncaring and disrespectful imo.

feather wrote:
G'day Feather.

Not only to the other person, also to yourself.

give wrong advice for the lulz

In reflecting back I can't say who was more wild and crazy and sinister the males or females I've known.

Don't get me wrong everyone should be treated on a individual level,but in my opinion nine out of ten times kindness is taken for weakness,or someone they can easily use.

This situation is funny when I look back on it,I had a one bedroom apartment and ended up having five people in there, six counting me,for one reason or the other,and the only one that paid rent was me,three were a family down on their luck,two were friends of mine,I would imagine they needed this help, and would have been homeless,but that's just one example of some of the situations I been through,never again will I let freeloaders move in with me.

Respect to the answers so far.
Tiz for the most part I think best to say it how you see it. Realising that pussy footing around others actively contributes to perpetuating destructive cycles and patterns is a wise move in my book.
Many people don't like to hear it. Many are shocked that you won't pump more air into their bubble. That's their burden to deal with.
As was said by IAAIA, empathy and sympathy are very different things. There is nothing in this about not being kind. In fact I'd contend that being honest with others is a kindness.

EDIT: The resident "anti-general being filled with things that don't belong there bastard" notes the placement of this thread and removes the bastardness imposed on Rick yesterday by the way of a +smite. Though technically you'd probably have had a good case for this one being in general

dubmeup wrote:
Thanks I understand the karma plus and minus thing,but I never paid much attention to the expression smite,and thanks for the advice, if you notice the other thread I started is in the members area.

dubmeup wrote:
G'day Dubmeup.

I agree 100% mate.

Personally, I didn't comprehend why anyone would think that lying is a kindness. I ended up working out that lies are a self serving thing and therefore have nothing to do with a kindness to the one being lied to.

So be brutal with me. If my arse looks fat in a dress (or out of it) tell me.

I AM ALL I AM wrote:
Wtf?

Ab Origine wrote:
G'day Ab Origine.

I'll have to take a pic of my arse and show you it's not fat mate, though I don't own a dress at the moment and will have to ask around to borrow one.

Rick wrote:
You're a good man Rick Never let anyone tell you any different.
On the karma thing my advice would be to ignore it for all other purposes than that of fun Twats like me are always messin around with it Then there are them others with the powers of karmic carnage......and they aint shy of wielding the power neither

dubmeup wrote:

I hate it when people won't tell you that there is something in your teeth or a "bat in the cave". Once I walked around Target with a tear in the ass of my pants. I remember some guys snickering behind me and didn't know why til I got home and saw my hot pink undies were showing. I can't believe that no one in the entire store was kind enough to inform me!

K-Bone wrote:
G'day K-Bone.

Maybe the guys thought it was a fashion statement and were snickering about thinking how good it would be for other gorgeous women (like yourself) to show off their hot pink undies.

I AM ALL I AM wrote:
HaHa...I guess it could be the new "pants on the ground" trend...

Rick wrote:


Nope... hence the reason people only ask my opinion when they really want the truth of the matter (I give it anyway, but on the rare occasion people have actually asked for it too).

At least you learned though, that is something to be proud of. Even if it was hard learning through being used, you made it to where you are, most people never learn, and if they do it takes some extreme measures.

Heh heh, some people accuse me of being a bit too honest and blunt for my own good.