RealAmerican wrote:

Rick wrote:

I was diagnosed as what's now called bipolar at 18. I know it's a very varied condition but I don't recall it ever making me feel like energy vampiring or manipulating someone personally. When I'm manic, the energy vampires have a pretty limitless source of food, when I'm in the hole, I really couldn't muster the energy to try and sap another's energy or to control them, nor would it even enter my inward looking head..

I would politely request that the implied connection is kicked into touch.

dubmeup wrote:
Well said Dubs, and thank you for sharing.

I have to say, not that I know that much about the condition, it has never come across during our cam chats or through your postings. Not that I suppose it necessarily should.

It's an interesting topic though, especially re 'psychic vampires' and one that I unfortunately am quite familiar with. Of the obvious offenders I've come across, there is an element to their way of thinking that is patently aware of what is going on, to the point where many conversations and situations are 'engineered' to suit their own ends. The only successful way I've found to rid yourself of this behaviour if you come across it, is to call these people out.

One of three things will happen: they will flee and never be seen again, not knowing quite how to deal with someone who has rumbled them, having never had that happen before; they will discuss it with you and tone down that aspect of their personality (sounds bizarre, but I actually do have a friend like this); they will become enraged and try and turn everyone else in your social circle against you.

The key thing here though, is energy. The more you expend on this person, the more they will persist. Cut them off at source and they will move on to someone else.

cantata wrote:
Cheers cantata...it is very interesting stuff, regardless of what name you give it.

I used to have a career where a big part of what I did was empathy and trying to understand sometimes very difficult situations and emotions. I eventually got to the point where I was emotionally exhausted, which had a knock on effect on my actual physical health, imo.

I'd never go back to it, but it reminded me of what you said about shutting yourself down. I'm often told these days that I'm uncaring or not considerate enough (which again, immediately leads me to question to the motives behind whoever it is that is saying this), but I think it genuinely is just me putting up those barriers a little bit more than I did before. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way, I suppose.

Thanks Abs. I've had a long time to get used to it and learn to deal with it. At first they put me on pharma which meant a few months of hell. Things changed when I was at the doctors one day and he left the room. I leant over the table and had a look at the notes. There was a communication from the psychiatrist which recommended that I should spend a period in Herrison Hospital if I showed no improvement by the end of the course of pharma I was on. That was my motivation to step back from the pill pushers.
It took years but nowadays I've got pretty good at staying within manageable tolerances. When the mania hits, I tend to let it happen and just put the energy into something useful. It's amazing how much you can get done when your buzzing and only sleeping a wee bit. The holes are a bit different as they are truly destructive. I've learnt to spot the approach and have various things I do to help me just circle the hole until the chemicals settle down. Sometimes that's hours, sometimes it's weeks.
It makes me feel good that it's not overtly noticeable to people outside my immediate family

dubmeup wrote:
Thanks dubs, as someone else who has had the same diagnosis, I was going so say something, but didn't want it to come across all passive aggressive. You have made your point very nicely

I have to agree with you. When I'm depressed, I don't even want to see or speak to anyone. During manic episodes I definitely don't need to siphon energy off of others.

Btw dubs, I know just what you mean about the holes, I'm in the process of circumnavigating one of those pesky blighters at the moment. I suspect it will take a few weeks rather than a few days, but all's well anyway

Can I also chip in. It was said earlier that "everyone gets depression" I won't criticise that opinion too much because I used to believe exactly the same. Until I actually got clinical depression!

Man was I ignorant and assuming! I am by nature someone who is active, jokey and up for a challenge. I hate to be idle and I bend my knee to no f*cker.......ever!

That shit drained everything out of me. Emotions, concentration, caring, personal pride, willingness to live .... (I don't think I could even muster the energy to do myself in, I was just hoping/waiting for it to happen and I would have welcomed it without resistance).
It also isolates you because you neither want people you love seeing you that way or being effected/infected by your demeanour.

The mind is a damn powerful thing. When it turns on you it can be a dammed destructive thing too!
I have characterised this before as being the ultimate personality theft. It uses your own voice to subdue your will and convince you you're a worthless burden on everyone around you.

I'm out of all that now thankfully but I still keep an ear out for that nasty bastard whispering.
Never underestimate depression. I'd rather kick Mike Tyson in the nuts than spend another day in it's company.

Thanks feather.

I've been really, really down before...not quite suicidal but I did end up in A&E at my doctor's request. However, although 'depression' may be on my notes somewhere, I was never actually diagnosed as clinically depressed, probably because I didn't bother much with GPs at the time and quite possibly because I wasn't considered clinically depressed in someone elses opinion.

Whatever...I was very close to the edge. I would say the worst thing that could of probably happened to me at that point would have been to have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. Hence, I never followed it up with the GP and despite my wanting to top myself on that particular day, they've never followed it up with me since, either!

Still, here I am and I'm just dandy right now, thank you very much. Previous to this, they had tried to get me on anti-depressants and such, but I was weary and never continued with them. I wouldn't say it was great, but it did teach me a lot about myself. I can appreciate how people need a helping hand sometimes, but I'm very much of the thinking that what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. In my worst periods, I just kept reminding myself that countless millions of souls had been through exactly the same thing as me before we even had drugs, counselling and therapy.

I look after myself a bit better these days and I haven't gone that far down again for a very long time. It was the best route for me, I think, if only because it proved to myself I don't need anyone's help. It's nice to have it, but I can do it. Does that make sense?

Sometimes, I wonder if the way pharma and the medical establishment is set up doesn't sometimes serve as more of a hindrance to any individual suffering from mental health issues. And lets be honest, who doesn't at some point in their lives?

I was diagnosed with a "depressive illness" when I was 18. Whatever the hell that means
I just woke up one morning and I was a different person. Every time I closed my eyes I'd get a huge head rush, like thousands of thoughts sounds and images hitting me all at once, and when I opened my eyes the thoughts disappeared. I was crying all the time, felt a great emptiness inside, I felt sad constantly. It felt like there was a brick in my head for a while, then it was a wire that I kept imagining myself pulling on but no matter how long I pulled for, I couldn't get that wire out of my head. Sounds nuts!
My mum had to take me to the doctors and I just sat there crying. It was a horrible time. I was given anti depressants and they seemed to help, they helped me sleep and stop the thought rushes anyway After a few months I woke up and I was okay again.
Very weird how you can just seem to change. Looking back there were signs. I was very irritable a lot, was snapping at my family, etc.

Makes total sense bruv.
I refused the pills but have often wondered if that was the right decision at the time. (I'd known too many people through my profession that had become dependent on them).
Still, like you, I got past it. It took years but I'm here bugging you lot.
It was the people around me that helped me out of the hole. (once I'd let them peek over the edge and they saw how far down I was).


Oh btw ............ I'm fucking delighted you got out too.

Depression runs in my family. My dad was depressed, my mom wasn't. She had two sisters who were, but her parents weren't. My sister has bipolar issues, but I don't. I've been depressed, because of a breakup with a woman when I was younger, when I initially separated from my kids and their mom, and had my mom die around the same time. My Mom died less than a month before Christmas.... I can remember a very sad song called "It's Not Easy To Be Me" from that time in 2001, I heard it and just sobbed. But during those times I knew that I would get past it, that things would be better. I'm an emotional person, and can seem a little extreme to some people because when I'm happy, I'm really happy, sad and angry, ditto. I deal with emotion honestly, IMO, and let them ride themselves out. Except with anger; I express it, but that's it. I don't carry it around like a weight. I've had many long talks with my sister -- my emotional vampire, bipolar sister -- and the gist of what I get is that truly depressed people really don't have a mechanism to stop them from falling. They just sink..... She is envious of the fact that things always get better for me, whereas it's a struggle for her. She takes a synthetic marijuana as a "remedy" plus smokes the real thing. I've had her try St John's Wort but it doesn't seem to do the trick for her when she's having an "episode". She just takes sick time from work, sees a therapist, and medicates until she gets past it.

I can't imagine what it's like to be that far down, it's got to be awful. I don't like being ill with a flu and fever, because it affects my mind and how I think and sleep. Depression is a physical illness that affects your mind. The pharmaceutical companies and doctors exploit that illness far too much. Even people who've had relationship blues, or are grieving the loss of a loved one, both of which are perfectly natural responses, can go to a doctor and get antidepressants. Overprescribed and definitely not a good idea for someone who is not ill and just needs the passage of time to get through.

For those of you on here with actual depression issues, I hope you take good care of yourselves and are eating right. It really is a physical illness, and it can be aggravgated like any other illness. There are legitimate reasons for everyone to feel a little down sometimes, but if you feel yourself slipping further than you'd like to be, always ask someone you can trust for a little support.

ronisron wrote:
Oddly enough ron my plummet was in the same period and that song struck a chord with me too.


The other thing was that my daughter told me she was discussing my situation with her guy and had said "My Dad used to be Superman, he even had the T-shirt"
But yeah, it was a good analogy I'd just been hit with a massive chunk of Kryptonite. (several different chunks actually but that's almost irrelevant to the point).

Good advice up there and pharma may help but good people around you can help tip the scales.

feather wrote:
That's the song.... I never bothered to look up the actual title, or who performed it... I did think it was Dave Matthews though. Listening to it again, I was reminded of that sad time. I had to swallow pretty hard there.... It broke me at the time, but I needed to let it out. I was the hero too..... but I couldn't hold it all together. 11 years later, I have my sons, and I'm long past their mom, but there are moments in life where you are the loneliest person alive. Music evokes an emotional response in me anyway, but certain ones can bring you right back to that moment, whatever that moment is.

In 2012, it's cool to know someone else was having that song soundtrack a particular moment in their lives at the same time it was mine., Thanks. We weren't alone after all, eh?

When I was diagnosed with bipolar it was during an episode of psychotic depression. I had been through a very stressful few years and I finally snapped. The strange thing was that my partner and son didn't realise how ill I was for ages, and somehow I managed to keep my shit together enough to appear fairly normal. However, my depression got steadily worse, and I thought that people were parked in the school car park opposite the house spying on me. I was convinced that they were planning to take my son away. It gradually got worse and I ended up believing that I was in my own personal hell being punished by the demons for all the wrong I had done unto others

It didn't stop there, and I started to think that I didn't really exist, voices were telling me to hurt myself and in the end I couldn't get out of bed, eat, get dressed etc. All I could do was lie in bed and get up to go to the loo, I couldn't talk to anyone. If the mental health services weren't so good round here I'd have ended up in hospital. I had a brilliant psychiatric nurse who helped me through that shitty time and I received excellent support from a few mental health professionals.

Yeah, it pisses me off when people say things like 'you create your own reality', or 'there's people in the world much worse off than you'. I don't think any of that matters when you lose your marbles!

These days I have coping strategies and I do take a mood stabiliser. My dad is bipolar and he never took meds, I decided to go for the chemical kosh. I'm a nicer mum and a nicer girlfriend when I'm medicated!

Hey you lot!!
C'mere!!



and here's a right sloppy song anorl. xxx

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
I hate it when people say that, too. It's invalidating. You wouldn't say to a paraplegic, "Well, could be worse; you could be deaf & blind!"
Also, if I could create my own reality, then why I am I not on a beach, right now, with Johnny Depp sipping on a margarita?

I know deep down in my soul that there is a greater connection in this bi-polar label and conspiracy theory.

It really is the gift and the curse and that's why I think I made the comment to draw some of you out.

I can promise you it's not just some random coincidence, but I need to learn more first.

A bi-polar mind is special because it has the ability to go deeper than surface level.

Rest assured that's why alot of us are on this forum and your reading this right now.

People with manic-depression don't usually turn a blind eye to what's fucked up in this world.

Your always going to hear "Don't focus on the negative due to the law of attraction"

Because most bi-polar people will focus in deep on the negative with hope to turn it positive.

You won't find many bi-polar people over the age of 25 that don't want to rebel against the system.

This thread is like a re-awakening for something inside me that I was already aware of.

A bi-polar mind is unlikely to tolerate war, injustice and poverty because it is more in tune with pain.

Wealthy bi-polar musicians, pro athletes, and people in the arts regularly turn on the system also.

There might even be a deeper underlying meaning in why you are a nonconformist that I can't explain now.

But I don't need to explain anymore because in the nucleus of your core you understand what I say.

The things you said there Lesley ring a lot of bells. I had the voices too for a long time. Saying things to me that I wouldn't even say to Sket. I'd go so far as to say it was a kind of personal hell. Things have improved vastly since those days
It could be said that I was a problem child, my mother used to say that I was a Jekyll and Hyde and many's the time that I was threatened with being put in care. To be fair, she didn't have a clue what she was dealing with, the world of mental health was very different back then.

My family went spectacularly shit when I was 10 and tbh to this day I still suspect that my violent mood swings contributed to that (though I aint letting my shithead father off that lightly ). I ended up stuck with a father that couldn't stand me and the feeling was mutual. Got thrown out of the house at 14 and lived in a caravan from then on. It was then that I took to drugs and tbh I don't think they really helped Certainly getting into a heavy relationship with amphetamine sulphate didn't anyway By the time I was 18 I really was a basket case. Self harming, totally paranoid for large periods of time and regularly getting nicked. I was found one night close to death's door having consumed a bottle of scotch and every pill I could find. That was what led to me having a shrink and being diagnosed.

Though I didn't see it at the time, that diagnosis was a major turning point. Ok the pharma pills didn't help me but when I saw that note in my file I got a big wake up call. It was the start of me realising that this was something I really had to deal with myself so I kicked the speed into touch (and stopped being yellow )
I'd had traveller friends for a while and had done a bit of summer travelling so I hit the road for the first time. Walked away from my life and stuck my thumb out. Just went wherever the flow took me for a while. The people I met helped me enormously. I learnt that there were others going through that shit too, learnt a bit about meditating and stuff and went to an awful lot of very powerful places.
The road to being on top of it had begun Now 25 years later, life is altogether different. I don't drink, don't take drugs, have a family I love with all my heart and am basically at peace with myself. Still have to be vigilant though and still have to live with the swings like I said before. Aint complaining though, it's all good

And that's the one and only time I'm writing that shit on an internet forum.

I'm glad life is good for you now dubs. I'm generally fully functional, appart from the odd wobble. Mr Pumpshaft deserves a bloody medal! Not only did he put up with that, but also all the kidney problems I was having at the same time. Incidentally, I am convinced that wasn't helping my mental health. I have been on a much more even keel since having that poorly kidney removed.

Tbh I am completely straight with my son about my bipolar, it's not something that I'm proud of, but I don't feel stigmatised by it either. Anyway, I was discharged from the mental health team, so I'm officially no longer bat-shit insane. What up now bitches?