OK - wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. Good night.

LesleyPumpshaft wrote:
Most certainly not! But, I do think you should make this your sig.

As for your little predicament, not Gilly...

Just look at all the lovely, caring responses you have already received. If these fail, I think I have the solution.

I'm often asked, in fact, "what can I do to keep him off me?" My standard response usually involves kneeing in the ghoulies or a firm punch in the face (the nose smarts the most, and will usually distract your spouse from seeking sexual gratification for at least a few minutes).

Recently however, a few of my ladies have reported progress with what I like to call "the stank". I can tell I've piqued your interest with the catchy name, alone.

Basically, you refrain from washing for a few days; a full few weeks would be better. Next time you find yourself getting viaggravated, casually roll over and allow the stench to fully incapacitate your 'lover'. Granted, there are rare circumstances where some men actually quite like this. I call them "stench-fettlers" as it doesn't seem to matter how ripe you let yourself get, they persist. In fact, it can get them even more unnecessarily excited then usual.

If yours is one of the latter, we'll have to put our heads together and come up with something else. Give it whirl though. What have you to lose, except your usual smell of sweet roses?

Much love,
Aunty Abs xxx

StarsChildren wrote:
He might. He is a pervert.

@ Abs... Yes, I've heard Napoleon was one of these "stench-fettlers", and used to send letters advising Josephine when he was only a few days travel away, and not to bathe.

Sadly, H has sinus trouble, and as a result, no sense of smell whatsoever.

Before we got married, wary of my quick temper, he told me that if I ever hit him, he'll hit me back. He's quite a bit larger than myself. Therefore, the only time I felt able to punch him without repercussions was when I was 9 months pregnant, and hence, he couldn't defend himself.

See - it's a poser, isn't it!

Gilly wrote:
idk ive met a few perverts in my life...few asshole perverts... when something burning hot reaches the bowels of exposed tissue it tends to burn n sting to the point of wanting to wash it out only to realize uve just driven it further into the cave of dispare...

if that fails... go with the tested n proven, "touch me n i will cut it off" response while holding either a butcher knife or machete

StarsChildren wrote:


My bread knife has a nice serrated edge.

Gilly wrote:
shld work

Gilly wrote:
Dear me...you are in a pickle.

The knee to the nadgers seems like the only option available to you at present, unless one of our other regulars can come up with something else? You really have to ask yourself, are you prepared to receive a knee in the fanny in retribution, I suppose? On the plus side, that's all you'll be getting up there.

Swings and roundabouts, my dear.

Aunty Abs
xxx

Thank you kindly. I'll ponder on it a while.

ok abs... *grows balls 2 speak*
*follows balls growing w/another shot*
i drink, often and thoroughly, to calm the screams in my head and the pain of said screams... what shld i do?

*says silent prayer for spell check and covers face w/hand*

Dear Aunty Abs,
My boyfriend has recently been making public proclamations of affection and blatantly sexual advances, to another man.
I know that I've probably been neglecting him a bit of late because I've been distracted by a strange glowing orb in the sky but really this situation is intolerable. I have quite a big ego but it's defenses are only paper thin. When something like this happens my head space resembles a balloon when you forget to tie a knot in it's end and let it go. It shoots around the room in a haphazard search for another set of lungs, only to end up lying on the floor like a used condom

What should I do? How can I regain My BF's undivided attention? Do you think there is any hope for us or should I turn my needyness sights upon the one known as Rewind? I've seen him on cam and he's like well buff He's also nice and may give me the complete devotion I so desperately need.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Love dub

StarsChildren wrote:
Dearest stars...

Just keep doing what you do. I used to hear screams too, but they buggered off once I started talking back to them, which I thought was a bit rude, personally. And if you are going to drink, there really is little point unless you are going to do it thoroughly, imo.



Much love,
Aunty Abs
xxx

Ab Origine wrote:
dear aunty...
thnx but the screams r normaly my own...talking back dnt work as ive told them and myself to shut up on more than one occassion... and on the rare ocassion they are not my own, its almost worse.
i shall give ur advice of to continue drinking thuroughly to one who says i need to put the bottle down and unlatch me death grip on the glass container.
thank u for proving my assumption correct that it shld be done properly...am i also to assume u back the decision to do it mre often?

dubmeup wrote:
Dearest dubs...

Thank you for finding the time to write to me. Sometimes, as we get older, our relationships change. This can be difficult to accept, particularly if you're a needy bastard. However, it doesn't mean that we are loved any less than we once were.

My advice to you would be to shower said boyfriend with the gifts and adoration he so obviously deserves. If he does end up playing away, then you've really only yourself to blame, imo. You are obviously lacking in some department to the extent that he needs to take his fine arse elsewhere for it. Next time you see him, you might try making a fuss of him and showing him just how much you appreciate the fact that he's been slumming it with you all this time.

And if you happen to catch him flirting with someone else, don't sweat it. Some people just have a lot of love to give, and very often this means that they need to spread it around a bit.

I too have heard of this Rewind character and I agree, he is well fit. Though, I have also heard that he has the clap.

I hope this helps in some small way.

Much love,
Aunty Abs
xxx

StarsChildren wrote:
You do whatever makes you feel good, sausage. The minute it is no longer enjoyable for you, then stop. I wouldn't recommend drinking anything from under the kitchen sink however, as it tends to be a bit 'burny' on the old throat. I've made this mistake countless times.

Dearest readers...

Aunty Abs is about to be prosecuted for something completely ridiculous and may very well not be around for a while. For this reason, and because I can't bear the thought of you all posting your woes here and my not being able to have a good nose and take the piss out of you, I'm closing this thread down.

I would like to reiterate that any advice so far posted here has been entirely in jest on my part and that I actually love each and every one of you and think very highly of you.



All my love,
Aunty Abs
xxx